Your Reality Show – Embracing Public Displays of Affection
Until Jon stepped out on Kate and the internet practically collapsed under the weight of the chatter, I thought Jon and Kate Plus Eight was a reality show about two loving parents raising eight adorable kids. Since I’m into the grandparent thing, I gave the show a no-thanks-not-interested-I’ll-pass yawn. However, all it took was one trip down the grocery check-out aisle through tabloid headline hell, and the Gosselins’ marriage drama caught my relationship-coach-eye.
The show may have begun as two loving parents raising eight adorable kids, but it morphed into a train-wreck-reality-show on how to systematically trash an intimate relationship. Jon and Kate are more than reality TV stars. They are Super Stars at what I call Reverse Public Displays of Affection. I’m a big fan of [appropriate please] Public Displays of Affection. They tell the world you’re a couple. They also support self-esteem-an arm around your waist is like wearing a sandwich board that says, “Hey, look, world. I’m lovable!” The flip side of a PDA is a Reverse Public Display of Affection. That’s when you publicly make your sweetie feel less than adored. Not good.
I watched only a few episodes of Jon & Kate but what I saw made me sad. Jon belittled Kate to a contractor, Kate berated Jon for putting the wrong shoes on one of the kids. They argued about whether the kids should watch TV before bedtime. When they sat together on the sofa, they leaned away from each other, never touched or made eye contact. Now they are airing their dirty laundry in a very public way.
You are the stars of your own reality show. Maybe your audience is a much smaller circle of friends and family and there are no cameras, but your relationship is visible to the public. Are you guilty of Reverse Public Displays of Affection? You are if you no-honey-that’s-wrong correct your sweetheart in front of others; refer to your partner as a jerk, nag, dunderhead, or whiner; tease in a way that embarrasses or belittles; fail to show common courtesy; argue in front of others; and, well, you get the picture.
Learn from Jon & Kate. Make it a habit to show the world how much you care with an arm over the shoulder, a wink across a crowded room, a smile of encouragement. And, remember, you can publicly display your affection without touching and even when your sweetheart is nowhere to be seen by having your sweetie’s picture in your office; shouting for joy when he slides into home base; bragging to your friends about his promotion or her golf score; refilling your love bug’s wine glass at a dinner party; or showing loyalty by refusing to allow anyone, even (perhaps especially) your mother, to criticize your sweetheart.
As Shakespeare said, “Action is eloquence.” You can tell your sweetheart, “I love you,” but nothing makes it ring more true than showing it – to your sweetheart and to the world.
Author Bio: Shela Dean is relationship coach, speaker, and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles? – Your Ticket to Total Intimacy. Her marriage advice book is now officially published and has helped many couples in their attempt at improving intimacy and strengthening marital bonds.
